Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #12
Because there's a lot less explaining/apologizing to do when the PMS demons take over my brain. It's like the security of knowing that the werewolf isn't going to get out to hurt anyone at the rise of a full moon.
The casualty rates are significantly lower because there's waaaayyy less chance of anyone falling victim to my crazy-town emotions being projected at them. You get comfortable around the people you're close to, and you get used to openly sharing your feelings with your significant other. It can be a dangerous time when others are too closely involved.
The casualty rates are significantly lower because there's waaaayyy less chance of anyone falling victim to my crazy-town emotions being projected at them. You get comfortable around the people you're close to, and you get used to openly sharing your feelings with your significant other. It can be a dangerous time when others are too closely involved.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #11
Because I have more time to work on art.
I was supposed to have enough new work for a decent show by now. I wanted to do a whole landscape series. And then I started dating someone. And I made one piece. That was commissioned. So much for that. Haha. But now I'm back at it. I'm working on new stuff, and participating in a group show in a week! If only I had started on these new pieces much sooner...
I was supposed to have enough new work for a decent show by now. I wanted to do a whole landscape series. And then I started dating someone. And I made one piece. That was commissioned. So much for that. Haha. But now I'm back at it. I'm working on new stuff, and participating in a group show in a week! If only I had started on these new pieces much sooner...
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #10
Shit, I'll admit, this one is the first reason grasping for straws. There will be more- so don't get all judgy!
Because I can spend a Sunday night drinking wine and sifting through TED Talks and Brene Brown videos. This is relevant!!! I wouldn't spend Sunday nights like this with a partner. But I love it! I honestly don't spend much time wandering through the fields of the internets. But I found a lot of great things that I would have never encountered if I were in a relationship. I would have been eating bad food and drinking, watching a movie I comprised on. It's not an epic reason, but it's still true.
Because I can spend a Sunday night drinking wine and sifting through TED Talks and Brene Brown videos. This is relevant!!! I wouldn't spend Sunday nights like this with a partner. But I love it! I honestly don't spend much time wandering through the fields of the internets. But I found a lot of great things that I would have never encountered if I were in a relationship. I would have been eating bad food and drinking, watching a movie I comprised on. It's not an epic reason, but it's still true.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #9
Because I believe this to be true:
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball
When I was in college, I took a class on interpersonal communication. I had a great Professor (Unfortunately, I don't remember his name) who was insightful, funny, and real. I loved his lectures. He said once that the first form of true love is narcissism. That you must love yourself before you can truly love another. It resonated with me. And I believe it's true.
So, do I love myself? I think that if someone asked me that any point in my past I would have answered "Yes." But hindsight is 20/20, and I know that hasn't always been true. I knew I had value; I recognized all the good qualities I have, and appreciated them. That's pretty easy to do, right? Sure it is. But unfortunately, that's only one half of who I am. What about all the not-so-good, questionable habits and attributes I posses? I certainly acknowledged them, too. And let me tell you, they bothered me. A lot.
Looking back over various stages in my life, I can recollect numerous times I've cried, agonized, over my flaws: stupid things I said, mean things I had done, all sorts of mistakes I've made and short-comings I may have had. Even things about myself that aren't necessarily BAD, just things I didn't think were attractive or good. I hated these aspects of myself. There are countless times I've questioned my character, the quality of my person. That's pretty easy to do, too.
So, does it count if you love 50% of yourself? 60%? How about 85%? I think the answer is no. I've done a lot of soul searching, I've read a lot of books on love and personal development. What I've gathered is that you really need be okay with 100% of who you are; strengths and weaknesses combined. Nobody is perfect! No one! So it's okay that I'm not either. I have flaws. I know what they are better than anyone else. But I can own them. Having flaws doesn't make me a bad person, or undesirable. In fact, in a lot of ways they've been valuable to me. Isn't it true that wisdom comes from learning from our mistakes? Being aware of my shortcomings helps make me a better person. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through them. So I can accept them. I can love all of me.
How does this relate to being single? For me, I needed a lot of time and autonomy to start figuring all of this out. I needed to be able to see the forest from the trees. I went through a long period of time that the idea of being in a relationship scared the shit out of me. Not because I hadn't been in any, but because I had several negative experiences that made me concerned about the person that I became when I was in them. There were situations in the past that brought out ugly sides of me. And speaking to the point of this post, those instances made me feel like I wasn't a very good person. I was terrified that there was a dormant monster in me that only came out when I was in a relationship. And so, if I thought this, how could I love myself wholly?
As a result, I've spent a lot of time on my own, figuring myself out. This has afforded me the opportunity to learn a lot about who I am, to accept myself, to do some growing up, and to love myself. I needed that to feel confident about my potential to have a healthy relationship. And I do now. So this is another reason that I appreciate being single. :)
“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Here are a few other good articles on this topic, if you're interested:
http://www.wikihow.com/Love-Yourself-First-So-Everything-Else-Falls-Into-Line
http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/how-to-love-yourself.html
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-love-your-authentic-self/
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball
When I was in college, I took a class on interpersonal communication. I had a great Professor (Unfortunately, I don't remember his name) who was insightful, funny, and real. I loved his lectures. He said once that the first form of true love is narcissism. That you must love yourself before you can truly love another. It resonated with me. And I believe it's true.
So, do I love myself? I think that if someone asked me that any point in my past I would have answered "Yes." But hindsight is 20/20, and I know that hasn't always been true. I knew I had value; I recognized all the good qualities I have, and appreciated them. That's pretty easy to do, right? Sure it is. But unfortunately, that's only one half of who I am. What about all the not-so-good, questionable habits and attributes I posses? I certainly acknowledged them, too. And let me tell you, they bothered me. A lot.
Looking back over various stages in my life, I can recollect numerous times I've cried, agonized, over my flaws: stupid things I said, mean things I had done, all sorts of mistakes I've made and short-comings I may have had. Even things about myself that aren't necessarily BAD, just things I didn't think were attractive or good. I hated these aspects of myself. There are countless times I've questioned my character, the quality of my person. That's pretty easy to do, too.
So, does it count if you love 50% of yourself? 60%? How about 85%? I think the answer is no. I've done a lot of soul searching, I've read a lot of books on love and personal development. What I've gathered is that you really need be okay with 100% of who you are; strengths and weaknesses combined. Nobody is perfect! No one! So it's okay that I'm not either. I have flaws. I know what they are better than anyone else. But I can own them. Having flaws doesn't make me a bad person, or undesirable. In fact, in a lot of ways they've been valuable to me. Isn't it true that wisdom comes from learning from our mistakes? Being aware of my shortcomings helps make me a better person. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through them. So I can accept them. I can love all of me.
How does this relate to being single? For me, I needed a lot of time and autonomy to start figuring all of this out. I needed to be able to see the forest from the trees. I went through a long period of time that the idea of being in a relationship scared the shit out of me. Not because I hadn't been in any, but because I had several negative experiences that made me concerned about the person that I became when I was in them. There were situations in the past that brought out ugly sides of me. And speaking to the point of this post, those instances made me feel like I wasn't a very good person. I was terrified that there was a dormant monster in me that only came out when I was in a relationship. And so, if I thought this, how could I love myself wholly?
As a result, I've spent a lot of time on my own, figuring myself out. This has afforded me the opportunity to learn a lot about who I am, to accept myself, to do some growing up, and to love myself. I needed that to feel confident about my potential to have a healthy relationship. And I do now. So this is another reason that I appreciate being single. :)
“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Here are a few other good articles on this topic, if you're interested:
http://www.wikihow.com/Love-Yourself-First-So-Everything-Else-Falls-Into-Line
http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/how-to-love-yourself.html
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-love-your-authentic-self/
Friday, July 26, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #8
Because my days start out much more productively. During the week, I get to work earlier. Since my hours are somewhat flexible, there was a 1/2 hr difference half the week on the time I arrived. And I prefer to get in earlier because then I can leave earlier. On the weekends, when I'm single, I generally have an agenda for my day. In a relationship, I rarely made it to yoga in the morning. I couldn't really have my own little plan because my weekends involved another persons interests. For example, tomorrow, I have a plan. I will wake up to walk the dog and maybe jog. Then I will go to Kundalini yoga. Then I will go to the nudie beach to tan my bum and finally get some reading done. I like having my Saturday agendas. I like being productive with my time!
Why I appreciate Being Single - Reason #7
Because so far, my night has consisted of a tofu sandwich dinner, an amazing yoga class, and a bicycle ride to Wally's for whiskey with Rick Jones. It's a great Thursday night in my book, and not one that would probably happen if I were in a relationship right now.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #6
Because I take pride in the fact that I can be happy and comfortable being alone. It's not always easy! I don't always have a shoulder to cry on, or someone to give me a hug when I've had a bad day. I usually need to take vacations alone if there's somewhere I really want to go. I never have a +1 to weddings or to company Christmas parties. I don't have anyone to share inside jokes with. I mostly snuggle with pillows. And sometimes I go way too long without good sex! But I've learned I can deal with it. And not only can I deal with it, but I can still be totally happy without them!
These things have also opened up opportunities for other great experiences in my life. I've learned how to be a comfort to myself. I've been brave enough to travel by myself to another country where I don't speak the language, and make lots of friends! Weddings and Christmas parties are usually lame and I can dip out early unnoticed. I can laugh at my own jokes. If I feel like it, I can take hot guy home for an adventurous one night stand! ;)
Having the self-assuredness to handle these things and be just fine feels good. I am resilient. And that makes me feel strong and confident about myself. Spending a lot of time being single has given me the opportunity to learn these strengths and I'm a better person for it. ;)
These things have also opened up opportunities for other great experiences in my life. I've learned how to be a comfort to myself. I've been brave enough to travel by myself to another country where I don't speak the language, and make lots of friends! Weddings and Christmas parties are usually lame and I can dip out early unnoticed. I can laugh at my own jokes. If I feel like it, I can take hot guy home for an adventurous one night stand! ;)
Having the self-assuredness to handle these things and be just fine feels good. I am resilient. And that makes me feel strong and confident about myself. Spending a lot of time being single has given me the opportunity to learn these strengths and I'm a better person for it. ;)
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #5
I am better pet owner when I'm single. Nugget gets way more attention. He gets longer walks when I'm not dashing off to be with my love, and I come home to him every night. ;)
Monday, July 22, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #4
Because there's no one interfering with my weekday routine. During the week I balance work, exercise, chores, pets, and art projects. It's a lot to keep up with. Having a routine Monday through Thursday allows me to keep it all in order and get things done. It makes me feel grounded because my life is well managed this way. If a boy I'm swooning over gets in the mix, and starts enticing me to compromise my routine to spend time with him, it throws me off. If it goes on too long, it makes it hard to keep all my shit together and get things done. So while it's always fun to spend time with someone you like, I do appreciate not being tempted to toss aside my weekday schedule for more play time.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #3
Because I have more time to hang out with my friends. And I know that sounds cliche. What I really mean is that I have a lot of opportunity to cultivate existing friendships and establish new ones. I love making new friends & connections with people. I love that I have a lot of friends, from a lot of circles, with a lot of different interests. But maintaining and cultivating friendships takes effort & energy. I appreciate that I have the time to invest in extensive friendships that might go by the wayside if I were involved in a relationship.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Why I appreciate Being Single - Reason #2
Friday night date nights with myself. I pick up take out
& some good craft beer &/or wine, I put on my favorite tunes, and I
hang out at home by myself working on artwork, dancing around the house, maybe
streaming some SciFri, and probably entertaining my animals. These nights are
really special for me, because I get to tune into ME. It’s like a time of
solidarity with myself, because I get to spend time truly enjoying my own
company. It’s very encouraging and empowering to bask in the appreciation of
who I am as a person. I really have a lot of fun. J
Now, I know you might be thinking that you can do this while
in a relationship, too. And yes, you can. But it’s not the same. It’s
infrequent- maybe this happens while the boyfriend is out of town, or out with
the dudes for the night. And even then, the vibe is different. The sense of
gratification of being happy & comfortable with your autonomy is diluted.
And maybe that’s not true for everyone, but it is for me. These nights are just
more special when I’m on my own.
Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #1
Because I OWN THE WHOLE BED. That's right- 100% of that cushy, cozy real estate is mine. Last night, I fell asleep with my feets stretched out to opposite corners of my queen size bed. I also enjoy sleeping diagonally for optimal stretching capacity. I can do that. As much as I want. And it's good.
Thoughts on Personal Evolution Regarding Relationships and Single Life.
I recently went through a small, yet significant break-up. Like most people, I have since been spending a lot of time thinking about my life in terms of being single and by myself, and the relationships I've had. I think about how I've been developing as a person, and how my relationship experiences have been developing as well. I don't want to delve too deeply into all of this, but I want to focus on one thought. I can see how with each relationship encounter I have, no matter how short or insignificant it may seem, I am really learning from them. I'm shedding a lot of bad habits, fine tuning my awareness of other people and myself, and learning to lean into my intuition regarding relationships.
While it's disheartening to experience rejection or a termination of a connection I've established with another person, it's good to know that with each experience I'm learning more and coming closer to what I truly need for myself in a relationship. Because sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. And it's not that the connection isn't valid. It's just not the right thing for a long-term, healthy, fertile relationship where each person can continue to grow into their best self. I feel like there's really an exercise that needs to happen to strengthen the connection between our heart, our mind, and our intuition. And it can only happen when you know yourself, trust yourself, and can learn from your mistakes.
That being said, the silver lining for me is that I can see myself getting better at making this connection. So for me, I know that each subsequent relationship I have, I'm getting closer to the real deal. And that's a big thing. Being aware of that, I know that I'm treading into more serious grounds with each relationship I enter.
But I know I'm not there yet. So I know I need to focus on where I'm at right now. And what I started thinking, is that I realized I need to appreciate where I'm at now. Because when I do find the right person, it's probably going to be pretty solid and last a long time. And then my life, as I know it now, will not be the same.
I have spent so much of my adult life being very independent. My lifestyle will change when there's someone else to consider, to include, to compromise with. So I want to spend this time appreciating where I'm at in life, rather than lamenting what I'm missing out on. Because the tables can turn at any time.
So I've decided that for 30 days, I will post all the things I love about being single- about my independent, autonomous life, and all the things that make me happy that probably just won't be quite the same anymore if I'm in a relationship. I will post one reason each day. I started posting them on Facebook, but I decided to use this blog to post them here as well, so that if I feel like it, I can get a little more long-winded if I have more thoughts or feelings to express. And to track them all in a more cohesive way.
I also think that for whatever reason, people don't value being alone. Maybe because we have a hard time loving and appreciating ourselves. So maybe, also, someone will read some of this, and it will help them feel more confident and secure about where they're at in life. I don't know. I just feel like it's relevant stuff to share. And so I will begin.
While it's disheartening to experience rejection or a termination of a connection I've established with another person, it's good to know that with each experience I'm learning more and coming closer to what I truly need for myself in a relationship. Because sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. And it's not that the connection isn't valid. It's just not the right thing for a long-term, healthy, fertile relationship where each person can continue to grow into their best self. I feel like there's really an exercise that needs to happen to strengthen the connection between our heart, our mind, and our intuition. And it can only happen when you know yourself, trust yourself, and can learn from your mistakes.
That being said, the silver lining for me is that I can see myself getting better at making this connection. So for me, I know that each subsequent relationship I have, I'm getting closer to the real deal. And that's a big thing. Being aware of that, I know that I'm treading into more serious grounds with each relationship I enter.
But I know I'm not there yet. So I know I need to focus on where I'm at right now. And what I started thinking, is that I realized I need to appreciate where I'm at now. Because when I do find the right person, it's probably going to be pretty solid and last a long time. And then my life, as I know it now, will not be the same.
I have spent so much of my adult life being very independent. My lifestyle will change when there's someone else to consider, to include, to compromise with. So I want to spend this time appreciating where I'm at in life, rather than lamenting what I'm missing out on. Because the tables can turn at any time.
So I've decided that for 30 days, I will post all the things I love about being single- about my independent, autonomous life, and all the things that make me happy that probably just won't be quite the same anymore if I'm in a relationship. I will post one reason each day. I started posting them on Facebook, but I decided to use this blog to post them here as well, so that if I feel like it, I can get a little more long-winded if I have more thoughts or feelings to express. And to track them all in a more cohesive way.
I also think that for whatever reason, people don't value being alone. Maybe because we have a hard time loving and appreciating ourselves. So maybe, also, someone will read some of this, and it will help them feel more confident and secure about where they're at in life. I don't know. I just feel like it's relevant stuff to share. And so I will begin.
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