Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #30

It was brought to my attention that a lot of the reasons I've written about are all just derivations of one reason, which is having more personal time. And yes, that's technically true. But I think that's just as general as saying that all of outer space is just a bunch of particles. Of course it is. But they all form other things. Just like that extra personal time becomes many different formations of my life. It gives me more room to branch out and grow. Each of the branches have a meaning and relevance of their own, even if they stem from the same place.

I thought about different ways I would end my 30 reasons. I thought about a Grand Finale. But I wasn't feeling it now that time has come. So I think I want to end it by writing about a concept I've contemplated, something that's a work in progress.

I've read many times that if you are waiting or looking for the love of your life, to stop doing that, and start doing the things you love, and then they will find you. That sounds so simple. But it implies three important things. First, that you can fully identify all the things that you love and are most important to you. Second, that you are willing and able to prioritize them and commit the energy to pursuing them. And last, that you're willing to pursue them all on your own, regardless of whether or not there's someone that shares the passion to do them with you. One good example is this: I really want to do a lot of international travel. That's one thing I've probably held off on making as much of a priority as I should have, because of a lack of having to someone to do that with.

So being single (and having more free time) is my chance to hone in on what is going to make me and my life the most fulfilled and happy, without anyone else's agendas getting in the mix. It lends me the freedom to explore what is most important to me, and to recognize the importance to prioritize and pursue these things, even if it means a solo adventure. And that is my current challenge. To not wait for things in life to happen, and instead to make life happen. I will do what I love, and in that I will find love.

So, happy living, everyone. May we all have love and joy wherever we're at in life. Namaste!

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #29

Because it's more fun getting dressed to go out when you're single. Getting dressed when I'm single, like a friend said to me, is marketing. Whether you intend to or not, you're baiting a hook. Going out in relationship, I'm just getting dressed to look cute for a few hours and end the night like usual. When you get dressed to out when you're single, you can't be sure what's in store for the night. I might not be explaining this well right now, but there is a difference. And the prior is a little more fun.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #28

Because there is a supa-fine boy in the 8pm yoga class on Thursdays. And one of the things that's even more fun than watching him do yoga is plotting how I'm going to start a conversation with him and eventually make out with him. Can't do that when I'm in a relationship.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #27

Because as much as I hate doing it, I have more time to get things done around the house. (This reason is even less glamorous than the farting reason in my opinion.) Yes, I'd rather be watching movies and making love, but the laundry needs to get done sometime and so do the dishes and vacuuming. Because I have more available time, I'm not scrambling to get them done between another 10 things in one day. I can do my chores with more leisure and they suck a little less that way.

(P.S. - This is all true, but I'm honestly not convinced this is a good reason. I'm just glad I have clean underwear and got to watch 2 episodes of Orange Is the New Black tonight.)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #26

Because I only have my own problems and/or frustrations to deal with. Couples are entangled in each others lives. Things like bad moods, car problems, work stress, family issues, if your partner is dealing with it, to a certain extent, you are too. And I don't mean to sound selfish or unsympathetic. It's great to be in a relationship to have support and be supportive. I'm just saying that we all have our own life issues or stress to deal with, and right now, the only ones I have to address are my own. Sometimes less is more.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #25

Because first dates are fun. They usually always end with either a good feeling, or a good story. And when you're in a relationship, you only get one. ;)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #24

Because there are often times when I'm in a position where I need to learn how to do challenging things on my own. There's no valiant boyfriend to call on for his muscles and/or technical skills. But when I rise to meet the challenge and succeed, I feel awfully proud about learning a new skill and achieving a heightened level of self-sufficiency. Now, this reason is juxtapose to my reason #20, where I write about being comfortable asking for help, and receiving help from friends. They are both valid reasons and each have their place in my single, independent life. But I don't really think it's a good idea to impose on my friends for every arduous task I encounter. I've got to save the favors for particularly rainy days. So when I'm faced with something I know might be possible for me to accomplish on my own, with a little bit of research, resourcefulness, and elbow grease, I put the effort in to make it happen. And the end result is very rewarding. Today, for example, I lugged my new, *heavy* window AC unit upstairs to my second floor apartment, dragged it into my bedroom, disassembled my old unit, and installed the new one, all by myself. I procrastinated doing this for a week. I went through a mental list of all of my man friends that might love me enough to lend me a hand. Yet, I knew I had to give it a shot on my own. So I tried, and succeeded. And at the end of the day, I feel accomplished, industrious, competent, and proud. If I were in a relationship, I wouldn't have hesitated for a moment before asking my partner to help me with this. And there's nothing wrong with that. Relationships are great because you're there to help each other. But since that's not an option available to me right now, I bit the bullet, got the job done, and added a new skill and experience to my quiver.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #23

Because I can hang out with my guy friends as much as I want. It doesn't matter if I talk to him like a best girlfriend, or that we flirt, or even if we've had sex a few times before. Our friendship can remain completely authentic, and I can hang out with them, and make more dude friends as much as I want.

Reasons I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #22

Because hanging out with an ex-boyfriend and running into old flings can be a fun, interesting night instead of an awkward one. ;)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #21

Because I have more personal time to explore a larger amount of my interests and hobbies. Let's face it, free time is a commodity. And one of the great things about relationships is the companionship. So when I'm dating, it's only natural that a decent chunk of my free time is spent hanging out with that person, generally doing things we both like. Which leaves way less time to pursue interests I have outside of the relationship. Being single, there's just more availability for whatever hobbies I feel like delving into: reading books, yoga, bike rides, jewelry making, artwork, dancing, gardening, music, sewing, etc. It's the greatest time to explore a wide range of activities and learn new things!

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #20

Because it's a good opportunity to find out who your true-blue friends are. If I have a weird emergency, or an unpleasant task at hand, there's no boyfriend around to help me, someone that is motivated by romantic love or sexual favors. I wish I could do everything on my own. But much to my disappointment, I cannot. That means I need to call on my trusted friends for not-so-pleasant favors from time to time. And it's great to know I have awesome friends that will answer to that call. It's also a good life skill to learn to be okay to ask for help. That's Part B to this reason. Friendships and communities both thrive on an exchange of services to each other. We're all here to help each other thrive and succeed. By not having one immediate go-to person, I've learned to depend on my friends, my family, my community, and how to ask for help. Because of a larger need, I know and recognize the people I can trust to have my back and be there for me. And that is invaluable. Even going to into a relationship, I know that my partner and I both have these people to count on. And I know that because of how they've been there for me now when I've needed them the most.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #19

Since it already came up on an earlier Facebook post, I'll just go ahead and use the topic as my next reason. Because I don't ever have to hold in my farts when I'm lounging around the house. It's awkward and uncomfortable. And it can inhibit a healthy poop. My body can function freely as nature intended without causing anyone else any displeasure or having to be sneaky.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #18

Because getting ready for work every morning is easier. I just wake up, get ready, and go. I don't have to wake up extra early (when I really want to snuggle more) because I'm in someone else's bed, and I have to drive home to begin my getting ready for work process. It's really less annoying to already be at home when you wake up to start your day.Those extra 15-20 minutes in the morning are critical!

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #17

Because zero consultations need to be made in regard to my future. If I decided I would like to pick up and move away, well, I could just make a plan to do that and do it. It's even just more fun daydreaming about things when I know I have the freedom to do whatever I want. The world is my oyster. :)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #16

Ok, so I have to admit, this reason is a little special. It was presented to me by a friend while we were dancing. She suggested the following: "because I don't have to dance with anyone but I can dance with whoever I want!" Well shit, that's a fucking awesome reason in my book. And totally true. So that, my friends, is my reason #16. I'm pretty sure that place missed my friends and I when we left. We lit up the dance floor with our shenanigans. Happy dancing to all!

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #15

(Milestone - half way through my reasons! I don't feel like I've had any far stretches so far, so I'm feeling good about this.)

Because all the plans you make are just a little bit more exciting when you're single. Why? Because the day/night could lead to anything! When you're coupled up, you pretty much know how the day will wrap up. When you're single, even the most arbitrary of plans can turn into something you never expected. Your standard Friday night date with one of your best girlfriends can turn into mushrooms & hot tub time with an a old fling. (Not that this ever happened to me, of course) But you just never know. ;)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #14

Because it's easier to eat healthy. Eating is more of an event when you're sharing a meal with someone. I love cooking for people, and when I'm cooking for a boy, it's not always the lightest of fare. If I'm having dinner alone I might just eat a bowl of brussel sprouts and be done with it. There's no one suggesting we get pizza while we do our laundry or watch that episode of Game of Thrones. I eat more salads. And I rarely eat sweets when I'm home alone. There's no boy hanging out late at night with the munchies tempting me with a spoonful of their ice cream. ;)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #13

Because I love the quality time with my lady friends. ;)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #12

Because there's a lot less explaining/apologizing to do when the PMS demons take over my brain. It's like the security of knowing that the werewolf isn't going to get out to hurt anyone at the rise of a full moon.
The casualty rates are significantly lower because there's waaaayyy less chance of anyone falling victim to my crazy-town emotions being projected at them. You get comfortable around the people you're close to, and you get used to openly sharing your feelings with your significant other. It can be a dangerous time when others are too closely involved.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #11

Because I have more time to work on art.

I was supposed to have enough new work for a decent show by now. I wanted to do a whole landscape series. And then I started dating someone. And I made one piece. That was commissioned. So much for that. Haha. But now I'm back at it. I'm working on new stuff, and participating in a group show in a week! If only I had started on these new pieces much sooner...

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #10

Shit, I'll admit, this one is the first reason grasping for straws. There will be more- so don't get all judgy!

Because I can spend a Sunday night drinking wine and sifting through TED Talks and Brene Brown videos. This is relevant!!! I wouldn't spend Sunday nights like this with a partner. But I love it! I honestly don't spend much time wandering through the fields of the internets. But I found a lot of great things that I would have never encountered if I were in a relationship. I would have been eating bad food and drinking, watching a movie I comprised on. It's not an epic reason, but it's still true.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #9

Because I believe this to be true:

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball

When I was in college, I took a class on interpersonal communication. I had a great Professor (Unfortunately, I don't remember his name) who was insightful, funny, and real. I loved his lectures. He said once that the first form of true love is narcissism. That you must love yourself before you can truly love another. It resonated with me. And I believe it's true. 

So, do I love myself? I think that if someone asked me that any point in my past I would have answered "Yes." But hindsight is 20/20, and I know that hasn't always been true. I knew I had value; I recognized all the good qualities I have, and appreciated them. That's pretty easy to do, right? Sure it is. But unfortunately, that's only one half of who I am. What about all the not-so-good, questionable habits and attributes I posses? I certainly acknowledged them, too. And let me tell you, they bothered me. A lot. 

Looking back over various stages in my life, I can recollect numerous times I've cried, agonized, over my flaws: stupid things I said, mean things I had done, all sorts of mistakes I've made and short-comings I may have had. Even things about myself that aren't necessarily BAD, just things I didn't think were attractive or good. I hated these aspects of myself. There are countless times I've questioned my character, the quality of my person. That's pretty easy to do, too. 

So, does it count if you love 50% of yourself? 60%? How about 85%? I think the answer is no. I've done a lot of soul searching, I've read a lot of books on love and personal development. What I've gathered is that you really need be okay with 100% of who you are; strengths and weaknesses combined. Nobody is perfect! No one! So it's okay that I'm not either. I have flaws. I know what they are better than anyone else. But I can own them. Having flaws doesn't make me a bad person, or undesirable. In fact, in a lot of ways they've been valuable to me. Isn't it true that wisdom comes from learning from our mistakes? Being aware of my shortcomings helps make me a better person. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through them. So I can accept them. I can love all of me.

How does this relate to being single? For me, I needed a lot of time and autonomy to start figuring all of this out. I needed to be able to see the forest from the trees. I went through a long period of time that the idea of being in a relationship scared the shit out of me. Not because I hadn't been in any, but because I had several negative experiences that made me concerned about the person that I became when I was in them. There were situations in the past that brought out ugly sides of me. And speaking to the point of this post, those instances made me feel like I wasn't a very good person. I was terrified that there was a dormant monster in me that only came out when I was in a relationship. And so, if I thought this, how could I love myself wholly?

As a result, I've spent a lot of time on my own, figuring myself out. This has afforded me the opportunity to learn a lot about who I am, to accept myself, to do some growing up, and to love myself. I needed that to feel confident about my potential to have a healthy relationship. And I do now. So this is another reason that I appreciate being single. :)


“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be.”  ― C. JoyBell C.


Here are a few other good articles on this topic, if you're interested:

http://www.wikihow.com/Love-Yourself-First-So-Everything-Else-Falls-Into-Line

http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/how-to-love-yourself.html

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-love-your-authentic-self/

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #8

Because my days start out much more productively. During the week, I get to work earlier. Since my hours are somewhat flexible, there was a 1/2 hr difference half the week on the time I arrived. And I prefer to get in earlier because then I can leave earlier. On the weekends, when I'm single, I generally have an agenda for my day. In a relationship, I rarely made it to yoga in the morning. I couldn't really have my own little plan because my weekends involved another persons interests. For example, tomorrow, I have a plan. I will wake up to walk the dog and maybe jog. Then I will go to Kundalini yoga. Then I will go to the nudie beach to tan my bum and finally get some reading done. I like having my Saturday agendas. I like being productive with my time!

Why I appreciate Being Single - Reason #7

Because so far, my night has consisted of a tofu sandwich dinner, an amazing yoga class, and a bicycle ride to Wally's for whiskey with Rick Jones. It's a great Thursday night in my book, and not one that would probably happen if I were in a relationship right now. 

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #6

Because I take pride in the fact that I can be happy and comfortable being alone. It's not always easy! I don't always have a shoulder to cry on, or someone to give me a hug when I've had a bad day. I usually need to take vacations alone if there's somewhere I really want to go. I never have a +1 to weddings or to company Christmas parties. I don't have anyone to share inside jokes with. I mostly snuggle with pillows. And sometimes I go way too long without good sex! But I've learned I can deal with it. And not only can I deal with it, but I can still be totally happy without them!

These things have also opened up opportunities for other great experiences in my life. I've learned how to be a comfort to myself. I've been brave enough to travel by myself to another country where I don't speak the language, and make lots of friends! Weddings and Christmas parties are usually lame and I can dip out early unnoticed. I can laugh at my own jokes. If I feel like it, I can take hot guy home for an adventurous one night stand! ;)

Having the self-assuredness to handle these things and be just fine feels good. I am resilient. And that makes me feel strong and confident about myself. Spending a lot of time being single has given me the opportunity to learn these strengths and I'm a better person for it. ;)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #5

I am better pet owner when I'm single. Nugget gets way more attention. He gets longer walks when I'm not dashing off to be with my love, and I come home to him every night. ;)

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #4

Because there's no one interfering with my weekday routine. During the week I balance work, exercise, chores, pets, and art projects. It's a lot to keep up with. Having a routine Monday through Thursday allows me to keep it all in order and get things done. It makes me feel grounded because my life is well managed this way. If a boy I'm swooning over gets in the mix, and starts enticing me to compromise my routine to spend time with him, it throws me off. If it goes on too long, it makes it hard to keep all my shit together and get things done. So while it's always fun to spend time with someone you like, I do appreciate not being tempted to toss aside my weekday schedule for more play time.

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #3

Because I have more time to hang out with my friends. And I know that sounds cliche. What I really mean is that I have a lot of opportunity to cultivate existing friendships and establish new ones. I love making new friends & connections with people. I love that I have a lot of friends, from a lot of circles, with a lot of different interests. But maintaining and cultivating friendships takes effort & energy. I appreciate that I have the time to invest in extensive friendships that might go by the wayside if I were involved in a relationship.

Why I appreciate Being Single - Reason #2

Friday night date nights with myself. I pick up take out & some good craft beer &/or wine, I put on my favorite tunes, and I hang out at home by myself working on artwork, dancing around the house, maybe streaming some SciFri, and probably entertaining my animals. These nights are really special for me, because I get to tune into ME. It’s like a time of solidarity with myself, because I get to spend time truly enjoying my own company. It’s very encouraging and empowering to bask in the appreciation of who I am as a person. I really have a lot of fun. J

Now, I know you might be thinking that you can do this while in a relationship, too. And yes, you can. But it’s not the same. It’s infrequent- maybe this happens while the boyfriend is out of town, or out with the dudes for the night. And even then, the vibe is different. The sense of gratification of being happy & comfortable with your autonomy is diluted. And maybe that’s not true for everyone, but it is for me. These nights are just more special when I’m on my own. 

Why I Appreciate Being Single - Reason #1

Because I OWN THE WHOLE BED. That's right- 100% of that cushy, cozy real estate is mine. Last night, I fell asleep with my feets stretched out to opposite corners of my queen size bed. I also enjoy sleeping diagonally for optimal stretching capacity. I can do that. As much as I want. And it's good.

Thoughts on Personal Evolution Regarding Relationships and Single Life.

I recently went through a small, yet significant break-up. Like most people, I have since been spending a lot of time thinking about my life in terms of being single and by myself, and the relationships I've had. I think about how I've been developing as a person, and how my relationship experiences have been developing as well. I don't want to delve too deeply into all of this, but I want to focus on one thought. I can see how with each relationship encounter I have, no matter how short or insignificant it may seem, I am really learning from them. I'm shedding a lot of bad habits, fine tuning my awareness of other people and myself, and learning to lean into my intuition regarding relationships.

While it's disheartening to experience rejection or a termination of a connection I've established with another person, it's good to know that with each experience I'm learning more and coming closer to what I truly need for myself in a relationship. Because sometimes we fall in love with the wrong people. And it's not that the connection isn't valid. It's just not the right thing for a long-term, healthy, fertile relationship where each person can continue to grow into their best self. I feel like there's really an exercise that needs to happen to strengthen the connection between our heart, our mind, and our intuition. And it can only happen when you know yourself, trust yourself, and can learn from your mistakes.

That being said, the silver lining for me is that I can see myself getting better at making this connection. So for me, I know that each subsequent relationship I have, I'm getting closer to the real deal. And that's a big thing. Being aware of that, I know that I'm treading into more serious grounds with each relationship I enter.

But I know I'm not there yet. So I know I need to focus on where I'm at right now. And what I started thinking, is that I realized I need to appreciate where I'm at now. Because when I do find the right person, it's probably going to be pretty solid and last a long time. And then my life, as I know it now, will not be the same.

I have spent so much of my adult life being very independent. My lifestyle will change when there's someone else to consider, to include, to compromise with. So I want to spend this time appreciating where I'm at in life, rather than lamenting what I'm missing out on. Because the tables can turn at any time.

So I've decided that for 30 days, I will post all the things I love about being single- about my independent, autonomous life, and all the things that make me happy that probably just won't be quite the same anymore if I'm in a relationship. I will post one reason each day. I started posting them on Facebook, but I decided to use this blog to post them here as well, so that if I feel like it, I can get a little more long-winded if I have more thoughts or feelings to express. And to track them all in a more cohesive way.

I also think that for whatever reason, people don't value being alone. Maybe because we have a hard time loving and appreciating ourselves. So maybe, also, someone will read some of this, and it will help them feel more confident and secure about where they're at in life. I don't know. I just feel like it's relevant stuff to share. And so I will begin.