Because I believe this to be true:
"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world." - Lucille Ball
When I was in college, I took a class on interpersonal communication. I had a great Professor (Unfortunately, I don't remember his name) who was insightful, funny, and real. I loved his lectures. He said once that the first form of true love is narcissism. That you must love yourself before you can truly love another. It resonated with me. And I believe it's true.
So, do I love myself? I think that if someone asked me that any point in my past I would have answered "Yes." But hindsight is 20/20, and I know that hasn't always been true. I knew I had value; I recognized all the good qualities I have, and appreciated them. That's pretty easy to do, right? Sure it is. But unfortunately, that's only one half of who I am. What about all the not-so-good, questionable habits and attributes I posses? I certainly acknowledged them, too. And let me tell you, they bothered me. A lot.
Looking back over various stages in my life, I can recollect numerous times I've cried, agonized, over my flaws: stupid things I said, mean things I had done, all sorts of mistakes I've made and short-comings I may have had. Even things about myself that aren't necessarily BAD, just things I didn't think were attractive or good. I hated these aspects of myself. There are countless times I've questioned my character, the quality of my person. That's pretty easy to do, too.
So, does it count if you love 50% of yourself? 60%? How about 85%? I think the answer is no. I've done a lot of soul searching, I've read a lot of books on love and personal development. What I've gathered is that you really need be okay with 100% of who you are; strengths and weaknesses combined. Nobody is perfect! No one! So it's okay that I'm not either. I have flaws. I know what they are better than anyone else. But I can own them. Having flaws doesn't make me a bad person, or undesirable. In fact, in a lot of ways they've been valuable to me. Isn't it true that wisdom comes from learning from our mistakes? Being aware of my shortcomings helps make me a better person. I've learned a lot about myself and other people through them. So I can accept them. I can love all of me.
How does this relate to being single? For me, I needed a lot of time and autonomy to start figuring all of this out. I needed to be able to see the forest from the trees. I went through a long period of time that the idea of being in a relationship scared the shit out of me. Not because I hadn't been in any, but because I had several negative experiences that made me concerned about the person that I became when I was in them. There were situations in the past that brought out ugly sides of me. And speaking to the point of this post, those instances made me feel like I wasn't a very good person. I was terrified that there was a dormant monster in me that only came out when I was in a relationship. And so, if I thought this, how could I love myself wholly?
As a result, I've spent a lot of time on my own, figuring myself out. This has afforded me the opportunity to learn a lot about who I am, to accept myself, to do some growing up, and to love myself. I needed that to feel confident about my potential to have a healthy relationship. And I do now. So this is another reason that I appreciate being single. :)
“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be.” ― C. JoyBell C.
Here are a few other good articles on this topic, if you're interested:
http://www.wikihow.com/Love-Yourself-First-So-Everything-Else-Falls-Into-Line
http://www.wellbeingalignment.com/how-to-love-yourself.html
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-love-your-authentic-self/
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